Glossary
This glossary is a collation of various, if a term you’re searching for is not found below, we recommend visiting one of the following resources for a more comprehensive list: Ready for Polyamory, LGBTQIA Resource Center, Xero Mag
Ableism: The pervasive system of discrimination and exclusion thatoppresses people who are disabled, including differences in mental, cognitive,emotional, and/or physical abilities, through attitudes, actions, orinstitutional policies.
Ace: An abbreviation for Asexual, sometimes used as apart of a longer or larger self-identification.
AFAB: Assigned Female at Birth. The terms AFABand AMAB are used by a wide range of individuals, including those who aretransgender, non-binary, or intersex. While AFAB or AMAB may be useful fordescribing different trans or non-binary experiences, they are generally notconsidered identities in and of themselves. Calling a transman “AFAB,” forexample, erases his identity as a man. Instead, use a person’s requestedpronouns and self-description.
Aftercare: Emotional and physical care after a scenethat is agreed to prior to beginning. Usually in reference to a top taking careof a bottom but sometimes the reverse. Aftercare often includes touching basewith a play partner the next day.
Ageism: Any attitude, action, or institutionalstructure, which subordinates a person or group because of age or anyassignment of roles in society purely on the basis of age (Traxler, 1980, p.4).
Ageism: The pervasive system of prejudiceand discrimination that marginalizes people based on their age. This can beperpetuated through stereotypes of youthfulness versus life at an older age andthrough oppressive policies that subordinate and exclude older folks. Ageismcan impact different age groups besides older folks, such as younger people whoare stereotyped as being unable to make big decisions.
Agender: An identity under the non-binary and trans+umbrella. A person identifies as agender if they feel that neither binarygender applies to them, and that identifying in any place on a spectrum ofthose genders upholds the gender binary. Different individuals use this termdifferently, and some people use this interchangeably with nonbinary.Typically, agender and nonbinary gender identities are viewed as falling underthe transgender umbrella. Some agender people feel that they have no genderidentity, while others feel that agender is itself a gender identity. This canbe similar to or overlap with the experience of being gender neutral or havinga neutral gender identity.
Allosexual/Allo: An identity that describes someonewho is not asexual or aromantic. Someone who experiences sexual and romanticattraction towards other people.
Allosexism: The pervasive system ofdiscrimination and exclusion that oppresses asexual people built out of theassumption that everyone does and should experience sexual attraction.
Ally: A person not in the LGBTQIA+ community whoconsiders themselves a friend and active supporter of the LGBTIQA+ community.
Allyship: The action of working to end oppressionthrough support of, and as an advocate with and for, a group other than one’sown.
AMAB: Assigned Male at Birth. The terms AFAB andAMAB are used by a wide range of individuals, including those who aretransgender, non-binary, or intersex. While AFAB or AMAB may be useful fordescribing different trans or non-binary experiences, they are generally notconsidered identities in and of themselves. Calling a transman “AFAB,” forexample, erases his identity as a man. Instead, use a person’s requestedpronouns and self-description.
Amatonormativity: the social phenomenon wherebypeople are pressured to find, and then couple-off, with a person, who they’rethen expected to exclusively turn to in order to meet all of their emotionalneeds – whilst devaluing, downplaying or turning away from friends and otherplatonic social relationships. (Term coined by Elizabeth Brake)
Ambiamorous: feeling comfortable being eithermonogamous or polyamorous.
Anchor Partner: A partner who one regards as acentral figure in one’s life, a stable “rock” or “anchor” to lean on. Oftenused in non-hierarchical relationships for someone’s equivalent(s) of a primarypartner in a hierarchical setting.
Androgyne: A person with a gender that is bothmasculine and feminine or in between masculine and feminine. An androgynousperson.
Androgynous: Someone whose appearance is bothmasculine and feminine, or genderless.
Aromantic/Aro: A romantic orientation generallycharacterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance.Aromantic people can be satisfied by friendship and other non-romanticrelationships. Many aromantic people also identify with a sexual orientation,such as asexual, bisexual, etc.
Aromantic: A romantic orientation generallycharacterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance.Aromantic people can be satisfied by friendship and other non-romanticrelationships.
Aromantic: Having low or non-existent romanticimperative or interest. There are several subcategories of asexual that someonemight identify with. This word is sometimes shortened to “aro.”
Asexual/Asexuality/Ace: A broad spectrum ofsexual orientations generally characterized by feeling varying degrees ofsexual attraction or a desire for partnered sexuality. Asexuality is distinctfrom celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity, despitesexual desire. Some asexual people do have sex and do experience varying levelsof sexual attraction. There are many diverse ways of being asexual. A personwho does not experience sexual attraction can experience other forms ofattraction such as romantic attraction, physical attraction and emotionalattraction, as these are separate aspects of a person’s identity. These may ormay not correlate with each other - for instance, some people are physicallyand romantically attracted to women. However, others might be physicallyattracted to all genders and only emotionally attracted to men.
Asexual: A sexual orientation generally characterizedby not feeling sexual attraction or a desire for partnered sexuality.Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention fromsexual activity. Some asexual people do have sex. There are many diverse waysof being asexual. Commentary: Asexuality should not be confused with lack ofinterest in romantic relationships. Asexuals can and do form romanticrelationships, though those relationships may include little or no sex.
B
Barriers: Physical impediments to the exchange ofsexual fluids. Most often used to refer to condoms, although dental dams andgloves for manual stimulation also fall under this umbrella.
BDSM: A composite acronym for “B&D” (bondage& discipline); “D&S” (dominance & submission); and “S&M”(sadomasochism). Used to refer to any consensual activities or lifestylesbetween adults which include some or all of these things. The term “BDSM” isused in a general sense to describe any situation or practice which includeserotic power exchange, dominance and submission, pain play, bondage, sensationplay, or anything related to these.
BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance andSubmission, Sadism and Masochism. BDSM refers to a wide spectrum of activitiesand forms of interpersonal relationships. While not always overtly sexual innature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almostalways eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practicesfall outside of commonly held social norms regarding sexuality and humanrelationships. Power exchange takes place after discussion and negotiationwherein one person agrees to submit to specific activities and the other agreesto be in control for a certain period of time. Communication takes placebefore, during and after to ensure consent.
Bear Community: a part of the queer communitycomposed of queer men similar in looks and interests, most of them big, hairy,friendly and affectionate. The community aims to provide spaces where onefeels wanted, desired, and liked. It nourishes and values an individual’sprocess of making friends, of learning self-care and self-love through theunity and support of the community. Bears, Cubs, Otters, Wolves, Chasers,Admirers and other wildlife comprise what has come to be known as theBrotherhood of Bears and/or the Bear community.
Bear Community: A part of the queer communitycomposed of queer cisgender, transgender, or gender variant men similar inphysical looks and interests, most of them large, hairy, and on the masculineside of presentation. The community aims to provide spaces where onefeels wanted, desired, and liked. It nourishes and values an individual’sprocess of making friends and learning self-care and self-love through theunity and support of the community. Bears, Cubs, Otters, Wolves, Chasers,Admirers and other wildlife comprise what has come to be known as theBrotherhood of Bears and/or the Bear community.
Bigender: A gender identity that describes a personwho identifies with one or more genders. People may feel multiple genderssimultaneously or their gender may fluctuate over time. Bigender is a specificidentity under the trans and nonbinary umbrellas.
Bigender: Having two genders, exhibiting culturalcharacteristics of masculine and feminine roles.
Binding: The process of reducing the appearanceof breasts by wrapping or compressing the chest using various methods. Bindingcan be very gender-affirming for many people, however it must be donesafely. Learn moreabout safe binding
Biphobia: Oppression, discrimination and hatredtoward those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, and omnisexual. Biphobia canbe present in both the LGBTQ+ and broader community. See alsoMonosexism.
Bipoly: Colloquial Of or related to a person who isboth bisexual and polyamorous.
Bisexual/Bi: A person whose primary sexual andaffectional orientation is toward people of the same and other genders, ortowards people regardless of their gender. Some people may use bisexual andpansexual interchangeably.
Bisexual: A person whose primary sexual andaffectional orientation is toward people of the same and other genders (thoughnot necessarily equally), or towards people regardless of their gender.
Bisexual: Having sexual attraction to one’s owngender and other genders.
Body Image: refers to how a person feels, acts, andthinks about their body. Attitudes about our own body and bodies in general areshaped by our communities, families, cultures, media, and our own perceptions.
Body Image: How a person feels, acts, and thinksabout their body. Attitudes about our own body and bodies in general are shapedby our communities, families, cultures, media, and our own perceptions.
Body Policing: any behaviour which (indirectly ordirectly, intentionally or unintentionally) attempts to correct or control aperson’s actions regarding their own physical body, frequently with regards togender expression or size. (ASC Queer Theory)
Body Policing: Any behaviour which (indirectlyor directly, intentionally or unintentionally) attempts to correct or control aperson's actions regarding their own physical body, frequently with regards togender expression or size. (ASC Queer Theory)
Bondage: Any practice involving tying or securing aperson, as with ropes, cuffs, chains, or other restraints. Restraint bondage,the most common form of bondage, involves immobilizing a person, by tying orotherwise restraining him or her to an object or by binding his or her limbstogether. Stimulation bondage is any form of tying in such a way that thesubject is not immobilized and has freedom of motion, but the ropes or tiesshift and move against the body, often in sensitive or erogenous areas; certainforms of shibari are stimulation bondage. A person in bondage is said to bebound.
Bottom: Person receiving the action in a scene. Mayor may not take on a submissive role.
Brotherboy: Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanderpeople who were assigned female at birth, but live their lives through theirboy spirit. Brotherboys take on male roles in community and society. Thus,Brotherboys encompass both gender and cultural identities.
Butch: A gender expression that fits societaldefinitions of masculinity. Usually used by queer women and trans people,particularly by lesbians. Some consider “butch” to be its own gender identity.
Butch: A gender expression that fits societaldefinitions of masculinity. Usually used by queer women and trans people,particularly by lesbians. Some consider “butch” to be its own gender identity.
Cisgender: a gender identity, or performance in agender role, that society deems to match the person’s assigned sex atbirth. The prefix cis- means “on this side of” or “not across.” A termused to call attention to the privilege of people who are not transgender.
Cisgender: A person is cisgender if they identify astheir gender as assigned at birth. Derived from a Latin root meaning on thenear side.
Cisgender: A gender identity, or performance ina gender role, that society deems to match the person’s assigned sex atbirth. The prefix cis- means "on this side of" or "notacross." A term used to highlight the privilege of people who are nottransgender.
Cisnormativity: Attitudes and behaviours thatincorrectly assume gender is binary, ignoring genders besides women and men,and that people should and will align with conventional expectations of societyfor gender identity and gender expression. Heteronormativity often combineswith heteronormativity to create societal expectations of behaviour. Forexample, someone assigned female at birth is expected to 1) have a body that isconsidered “female” by the dominant culture, 2) identify as a girl or woman, 3)act feminine and fulfill the roles associated with girls and/or women, 4) beromantically and sexually attracted to men, and 5) being in a monogamousrelationship with someone of the opposite assigned sex at birth. Seealso Heteronormativity.
Cissexism/Genderism: The pervasive system ofdiscrimination and exclusion that oppresses people whose gender and/or genderexpression falls outside of cis-normative constructs. This system isfounded on the belief that there are, and should be, only two genders &that one’s gender or most aspects of it, are inevitably tied to assigned sex.Within cissexism cisgender people are the dominant/agent group and trans/gender non-conforming people are the oppressed/target group.
Cissexism/Genderism: The pervasive system ofdiscrimination and exclusion founded on the belief that there are, and shouldbe, only two genders and that one’s gender or most aspects of it, areinevitably tied to assigned sex. This system oppresses people whose genderand/or gender expression falls outside of cis-normative constructs. Withincissexism, cisgender people are the dominant group and trans/gendernon-conforming people are the oppressed group.
Closed Polycule / Polyfidelitous Relationship: Twoterms for groups of people who have decided not to see people outside of theirexisting relationship networks. Polyfidelitous is sometimes shortened to“polyfi.”
Closed Relationship: Any romantic relationship, suchas a conventional monogamous relationship or a polyfidelitous relationship,that specifically excludes the possibility of sexual or romantic connectionsoutside that relationship.
Comet: A long-distance relationship where thepartners only meet in person rarely but are happy to pick up their connectionat those times and be less intensely in touch in between, like a comet passingclose enough for the Earth to see every few years.
Comet: Colloquial An occasional lover who passesthrough one’s life semi-regularly, but without an expectation of continuity ora romantic relationship.
Compersion: A feeling of joy when a partner investsin and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Commentary:Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of “jealousy;” it is a positiveemotional reaction to a lover’s other relationship. The term was coined by theKerista Commune.
Compersion: Happiness at the joy of one’s partner inanother relationship; sometimes referred to as the opposite of jealousy.
Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM): Any relationshipstructure in which all partners are aware and consenting to some form ofnon-monogamy / non-exclusive relationship, be it sexual, emotional, or both.
Consent: Explicit Prior Permission for consent tokink requires: 1) verbal or written negotiations and agreement prior tobeginning any kink or sexual acts, 2) identifying the specific forms and theextent of force, restraint or threats that are allowed prior to beginning anykink or sexual acts – you aren’t allowed to seriously injure someone even ifthey consent, 3) agreeing to the specific words or gestures that will withdrawthe permission – your safeword or safe signal, 4) specifying exactly whatexpressions of unwillingness or other absence of consent are going to beroleplayed, and 5) everyone must be an adult and of sound mind to consent,meaning they aren’t in subspace, intoxicated or having a mental health issue.
Consent: Affirmative permission, assent, or approval.In a BDSM context, “consent” is an affirmative assent to engage in a particularactivity, freely given without coercion or distress. Informed consent: Consentfreely given with full and prior knowledge of the conditions and potentialconsequences of the assent. Also, verb To give affirmative permission to engagein an activity. Commentary: Consent is one of the hallmarks of BDSM,distinguishing it from abusive activities which may appear superficiallysimilar. Consent is based on the active, willing participation of everyoneinvolved in a particular activity; for example, if two people are engaged insomething like pain play, a key defining characteristic which differentiatesthis play from physical abuse is that all the people involved know exactly whatthey’re doing, want to be there, and give specific assent to the activities inquestion, whereas the victim of abuse does not specifically and affirmativelyassent to the abuse. Consent is valid and meaningful only if it is informed,meaning that all the participants have full knowledge of the activities towhich they are consenting (including but not limited to the circumstances underwhich the activity will take place and the possible risks, if any, inherent inthe activity); if it is uncoerced, meaning that the participants give theconsent freely without threat, force, or intimidation; and if the peopleinvolved give that consent from a condition of sound mind, meaning theirjudgement in not impaired by drugs, disease, or any other condition which mightcloud or distort their ability to make reasonable, rational decisions.
Cross Dresser (CD): A word to describe a personwho dresses, at least partially, as a member of a gender other than theirassigned sex; carries no implications of sexual orientation or gender identity.
Cuckoldry: The practice by which a dominant takes oneor more sexual partners other than his or her submissive, for the purpose ofhumiliating the submissive. Commentary: Cuckoldry is distinct from the practiceof »polyamory« in the sense that it is done in a context where the submissivehas no direct control over the dominant’s other partners, and the primarypurpose is to humiliate the submissive. Those who are aroused by cuckoldry aremost often attracted to the humiliation and powerlessness aspects of it. The majorityof the people who practice cuckoldry as a sexual fetish are women, whohumiliate their male partners by having sex with other men.
Culture: A learned set of values, beliefs,customs, norms, and perceptions shared by a group of people that provide ageneral framework for living and patterns for interpreting life. “Culture isthose deep, common, unstated, learned experiences which members of a givenculture share, which they communicate without knowing, and which form thebackdrop against which all other events are judged.” (E. Hall.)
DADT: The shortened form of Don't Ask, Don't Tell,used to refer to the relationship structure.
Deadname/Deadnaming: A deadname is a name that atrans+/nonbinary person no longer uses. Usually, it is the name assigned atbirth. When someone uses this name, whether intentionally or not, it isreferred to as deadnaming. Deadnaming is considered offensive andhurtful. See also Lived Name. Related terms: Birth Name, FormerName.
Demiromantic: An identity on the aromantic spectrumwherein folks only experience romantic attraction with people who they alreadyhave an emotional connection to.
Demisexual: An identity on the asexual spectrumwherein folks only experience sexual attraction with people who they alreadyhave an emotional connection to.
Demisexual: Demisexuality is a sexual orientation inwhich someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have anemotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to thegeneral population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, meaning they areclosely aligned with asexuality.
Demisexual: Demisexuality is a sexualorientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whomthey have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarelycompared to the general population, and some have little to no interest insexual activity. Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum.
Demisexual: A sexual identity that describes a personwho does not experience sexual attraction to someone until an emotional bond isformed. Demisexual falls under the asexual umbrella.
Disability/(Dis)ability/Dis/ability: A socialconstruct that identifies any restriction or lack of ability to perform anactivity in the manner or within the range considered “typical” for a humanbeing, given environments that are constructed for and by the dominant or“typical” person.
Discrimination: Inequitable actions carried outby members of a dominant group or its representatives against members of amarginalized or minoritized group.
Domina: A woman who assumes a role of power orauthority in a power exchange relationship. A domina takes psychologicalcontrol over or has power over another person, and may, for example, give thatperson orders which are to be obeyed. Contrast submissive; see related top,switch.
Dominant/Dom: – A person who has negotiated authorityover a submissive in a scene or relationship. A man who assumes a role of poweror authority in a power exchange relationship. A dominant takes psychologicalcontrol over or has power over another person, and may, for example, give thatperson orders which are to be obeyed. Contrast submissive; see related top,switch.
Dominatrix: A dominant, usually a woman and often aprodomme.
Domme: A spelling that implies a woman dominant.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT): A relationshipstructure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additionalsexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner doesnot know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any ofthose other people. Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frownon don’t ask, don’t tell relationships, and choose not to become involved insuch relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including theidea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simplybe cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which thatperson’s partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permitsother relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as away of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and thefact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communicationwithin the existing relationship.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Relationships: A relationshipin which a (usually formerly monogamous, usually hierarchical and primary)couple choose to allow each other to see other people but don’t wantinformation on their metamours or what their partner does with them. Sometimesthere is a clause included for basic sexual risk/safety information to beshared. The most extreme form of parallel polyamory.
Drag: Drag is the performance of masculinity,femininity or other forms of gender expression. People who do drag may bereferred to as drag kings, drag queens or drag artists. Any person can do anytype of drag, regardless of their sex assigned at birth, gender identity orsexuality.
Drag King: A person (often a woman) who appearsas a man. Generally in reference to an act or performance. This has noimplications regarding gender identity.
Drag Queen: A person (often a man) who appearsas a woman. Generally in reference to an act or performance. This has noimplications regarding gender identity.
Drag/Drag King /Drag Queen: The theatricalperformance of one or multiple genders via dressing in the clothing of adifferent gender, or in a manner different from how one would usuallydress. Drag queens perform in distinctly feminineattire. Drag kings perform in distinctly masculine attire.Drag is a form of gender expression and is not an indication of genderidentity. Individuals who dress in drag may or may not consider themselves tobe transgender. They may identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight or someother sexual orientation.
Drop: Also called sub-drop or top-drop. A state ofphysical or emotional exhaustion due to intense stimulation experienced by bothtops and bottoms. Most common after particularly intense scenes (even if thescene was thoroughly enjoyed). Drop can include sadness, remorse or guilt,physical shaking or chills, crying, and simple but profound exhaustion.
Dungeon Monito/Dungeon Master: In a play party, aperson charged with ensuring that the participants adhere to safety rules andtreat one another with respect. Sometimes referred to as a DM, a person whosupervises the interactions between participants at a play party to enforce therules. Trained in first aid and safe play, they can interrupt a scene if theysee something dangerous.
Dungeon: Any place specifically set up for BDSMactivities, often equipped specifically for BDSM play, as with furniture suchas racks, crosses, and the like.
Dyad: A relationship of two people; can be monogamousor the relationship between any two people in a polyamorous network.
Dyke: A lesbian or queer woman. Some members ofthe LGBTQ+ community have reclaimed this term, but it is still consideredoffensive to many. Only people who self-identify as a dyke should use thisterm.
Emotional Fidelity: A belief or practice thatemotional intimacy or love must be kept exclusive to a particular relationship,though sexual activity or other forms of physical intimacy may occur outsidethat relationship. Commentary: Some swingers practice emotional fidelity.
Emotional Libertarianism: A belief that everyindividual is entirely responsible for his or her own emotional responses, andthat one person’s behaviour is never the “cause” of another person’s emotion.
Enby: A slang term used for nonbinary. Enby isthe phonetic pronunciation of “NB,” an abbreviation for nonbinary.
Established Relationship Energy (ERE): A term used inopposition to New Relationship Energy, as a more positively connotedalternative to old relationship energy, it means the comfortable feelingof a longer-term relationship. Sometimes abbreviated ERE.
Ethical Non-monogamy: Any relationship structure inwhich all partners are aware and consenting to some form of non-monogamy, be itsexual, emotional, or both. Known in social science studies as ConsensualNon-Monogamy.
Ethical Slut: Colloquial A person who openly choosesto have multiple simultaneous sexual relationships in an ethical andresponsible way, and who openly revels in that decision. See relatedresponsible non-monogamy. Commentary: The term comes from the book The EthicalSlut, which advocates reclaiming the word “slut” from its derogatory meaning ofa promiscuous woman.
Ethical Slut: The Ethical Slut is a book byDossie Easton and Janet Hardy that through three editions published between1997 and 2017 influenced the formation of modern polyamorous community. EthicalSlut is also a phrase taken on by many people to indicate that they honestlyand openly carried out multiple relationships.
Ethnicity: A social construct that dividespeople into smaller social groups based on characteristics such as shared senseof group membership, values, behavioural patterns, language, political andeconomic interests, history and ancestral geographical base.
Femme: Historically used in the lesbiancommunity to refer to a feminine lesbian, it is being increasingly used byother LGBTQIA people to describe gender expressions that reclaim and disrupttraditional constructs of femininity.
Femme: A person who expresses and/or identifies withfemininity.
Fetish: 1. Formally, Psychology a non-sexual objectwhose presence is required for sexual arousal or climax; informally, anythingnot generally considered sexual which arouses a person, as a foot fetish or aleather fetish. 2. Anything of or relating to BDSM in general; as a fetishconvention, a fetish event. 3. Items, practices, or apparel relating to BDSM;as, fetish photography, fetish clothing
FetLife: Similar to Facebook for the kink community,this website provides ways to meet other people in the scene, to find out abouteducational offerings, and access support through discussion boards oflike-minded people.
Fluid Bonding: Not using barriers for sexualactivities; almost always used to indicate that condoms are not used forvaginal or anal intercourse, sometimes also used to indicate the lack ofbarriers for oral and manual sex.
Fluid Bonding: Of or related to practices whichinvolve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourseand BDSM: «blood play». See related condom contract.
FTM: Female to Male. Generally used to refer toanyone assigned female at birth whose affirmed gender identity or expression ismasculine all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term ‘transitioningto male’ (or ‘male,’ ‘man’ or ‘trans man’), as this does not use misgenderinglanguage. This term is not used as often in the 2020s, but may be important incertain (e.g., medical) contexts.
Furry: (Furries, Furry Fandom) People or a community,who enjoy(s) role playing primarily as anthropomorphic animals, creatures orcharacters, either through costumes, or/and varying art mediums. The furrycommunity at large is diverse in sexual orientation and gender identity.
Garden Party Polyamory: The middle groundbetween kitchen table and parallel polyamory; sometimes used for the polyculewith a bit of everything, and sometimes used for folks who see each other atlarge events a few times a year.
Gay: A sexual and affectional orientation towardpeople of the same gender.
Gender Affirming: A broad term encompassingactions, language, medical care, and more, that affirms someone’s genderidentity or expression. For example, surgery that alters someone’s appearanceto align with their gender identity is referred to as gender-affirming surgery.
Gender Affirmation: Practices that reinforce aperson's gender identity. For example, if a person was assigned male at birthand identifies as female, using she/her/hers pronouns affirms their gender asfemale. This is another way of describing someone’s ‘transition’. Genderaffirmation can involve changing names, pronouns, clothes or medicalintervention.
Gender Dysphoria: Used to describe when a personexperiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between theirsex assigned at birth and their gender identity. This is also the clinicaldiagnosis for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the sex they wereassigned at birth.
Gender Dysphoria: The distress that a personexperiences when the their experiences do not correspond with their genderidentity, for example, feeling upset at a high or low pitched voice. A personmay experience various degrees of dysphoria with respect to different parts oftheir anatomy or with how people treat them. for example,, some people mayexperience dysphoria when considering the shape of their chest but they arehappy or comfortable with their genitals.
Gender Euphoria: A euphoric feeling oftenexperienced when one’s gender is recognized and respected by others, when one’sbody aligns with one’s gender, or when one expresses themselves in accordancewith their gender. Focusing on gender euphoria instead of gender dysphoriashifts focus on the positive aspects of being transgender or gender expansive.
Gender Expansive: An umbrella term used forindividuals who broaden their own culture’s commonly held definitions ofgender, including expectations for its expression, identities, roles, and/orother perceived gender norms. Gender expansive individuals include those who identifyas transgender, as well as anyone else whose gender in some way is seen to bebroadening the surrounding society’s notion of gender.
Gender Expression: How one expresses oneself, interms of dress and/or behaviours. Society, and people that make upsociety characterize these expressions as “masculine,” “feminine,” or“androgynous.” Individuals may embody their gender in a multitude of waysand have terms beyond these to name their gender expression(s).
Gender Expression: How one expresses oneself, interms of dress, presentation of secondary sex characteristics (i.e., breasts,body hair, voice), and/or behaviours. Society, and people that make up societycharacterize these expressions as "masculine,” “feminine,” or“androgynous.” Individuals may embody their gender in a multitude of waysand have terms beyond these to name their gender expression(s).
Gender Fluid/Genderfluid: A person whose genderidentification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal,gender-based expectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.
Gender Fluid: A person whose gender identificationand presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-basedexpectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.
Gender Identity: A sense of oneself as trans,genderqueer, woman, man, or some other identity, which may or may notcorrespond with the sex and gender one is assigned at birth.
Gender Identity: A sense of oneself as trans,genderqueer, woman, man, or some other identity, which may or may notcorrespond with the sex and gender one is assigned at birth.
Gender Neutral: Refers to anything that is notgendered. For example, gender-neutral language does not use binary male orfemale words, and gender-neutral restrooms are available to be used by anyoneof any gender identity or expression.
Gender Non Conforming (GNC): Adjective forpeople who do not subscribe to societal expectations of typical genderexpressions or roles. The term is more commonly used to refer to genderexpression (how one behaves, acts, and presents themselves to others) asopposed to gender identity (one’s internal sense of self).
Gender Queer: A person whose gender identityand/or gender expression falls outside of the dominant societal norm for theirassigned sex, is beyond genders, or is some combination of genders.
Gender Unicorn: A commonly used model to explainvarious aspects of one’s identity, including assigned sex at birth, genderidentity, gender expression, physical attraction, and romantic attraction. TheGender Unicorn illustrates how, with the exception of assigned sex at birth,these different aspects of identity exist on spectrums. The Gender Unicorn isavailable at transstudent.org/gender
Gender Variant: A person who varies from theexpected characteristics of the assigned gender.
Gender: A social construct used to classify a personas a man, woman, or some other identity. Fundamentally different from the sexone is assigned at birth.
Gender: Refers to the socially constructedroles, behaviours, expressions, and identities of girls, women, boys, men, andgender diverse people. It influences how people perceive themselves and eachother, how they act and interact, and the distribution of power and resourcesin society. Gender identity is not confined to a binary (i.e. woman/man) nor isit static; it exists along a continuum and can change over time. There isconsiderable diversity in how individuals and groups understand, experience andexpress gender through the roles they take on, the expectations placed on them,relations with others and the complex ways that gender is institutionalized insociety. Some people may identify as not having a gender.
Genderism/Cissexism: The pervasive system ofdiscrimination and exclusion that oppresses people whose gender and/or genderexpression falls outside of cis-normative constructs. This system isfounded on the belief that there are, and should be, only two genders &that one’s gender or most aspects of it, are inevitably tied to assigned sex.Within cissexism cisgender people are the dominant/agent group and trans/gender non-conforming people are the oppressed/target group.
Genderism/Cissexism: The belief that there are,and should be, only two genders & that one’s gender or most aspects of it,are inevitably tied to assigned sex. In a genderist/cissexist construct,cisgender people are the dominant/agent group and trans/ gender non-conformingpeople are the oppressed/target group.
Genderqueer: People who identify as genderqueeridentify outside the categories of man and woman. The term has overlap withnonbinary and agender, and is sometimes the subject of controversy becausequeer has been used as a slur against non-cis and non-hetero people.
Gray: Also known as Gray-A or Gray-Ace/Aro. Thisis an umbrella term which describes people who experience attractionoccasionally, rarely, or only under certain conditions. Includes the identitiesGraysexual and Grayromantic.
Heteronormativity: A set of lifestyle norms,practices, and institutions that promote binary alignment of biological sex,gender identity, and gender roles; assume heterosexuality as a fundamental andnatural norm; and privilege monogamous, committed relationships and reproductivesex above all other sexual practices.
Heteronormativity: Attitudes and behaviours thatincorrectly assume everyone is straight, or that being heterosexual is“normal”. Heteronormativity also assumes people should and will alignwith conventional expectations of society for sexual and romantic attraction.Heteronormativity often combines with cisnormativity to create societalexpectations of behaviour. For example, someone assigned female at birthis expected to 1) have a body that is considered “female” by the dominantculture, 2) identify as a girl or woman, 3) act feminine and fulfill the rolesassociated with girls and/or women, 4) be romantically and sexually attractedto men, and 5) being in a monogamous relationship with someone of the oppositeassigned sex at birth. See also Cisnormativity.
Heterosexism: The assumption that all peopleare or should be heterosexual. Heterosexism excludes the needs, concerns,and life experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer people while it givesadvantages to heterosexual people. It is often a subtle form ofoppression, which reinforces realities of silence and erasure.
Heterosexism: The assumption that allpeople are or should be heterosexual. Heterosexism excludes the needs,concerns, and life experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer people,while it gives advantages to heterosexual people. It is often a subtle form ofoppression, which reinforces realities of silence and erasure.
Heterosexual: Having sexual attraction to theopposite binary gender.
Heterosexuality: A sexual orientation in which aperson feels physically and emotionally attracted to people of a gender otherthan their own.
Hierarchical Relationships: Relationships in whichcertain partnerships are prioritized above others and/or given additionalpowers in rule-setting. Often, but not always, the early result of peoplediscovering polyamory when they have an existing partnership.
Hinge: The shared partner between two people - socalled because in using shapes to describe “polycules,” they’re often the pointa shape hinges on; also, because hinges can open and close, as a convenientmetaphor for describing the relationship between metamours.
Homophobia: See Heterosexism above. Note: As astaff, we’ve been intentionally moving away from using words like“transphobic,” “homophobic,” and “biphobic” because (1) they inaccuratelydescribe systems of oppression as irrational fears, and (2) for some people,phobias are a very distressing part of their lived experience and co-optingthis language is disrespectful to their experiences and perpetuates ableism.
Homophobia: Oppression, discrimination, andhatred directed toward members of the LGBTQ+ community. See alsoHeterosexism.
Homosexual/Homosexuality: An outdated term todescribe a sexual orientation in which a person feels physically andemotionally attracted to people of the same gender. Historically, it wasa term used to pathologize gay and lesbian people.
Homosexual: Having sexual attraction to people withone’s own gender identity.
Impact Play: Using hands or other implement likecanes or floggers to impact the body.
Individual Level: A person’s beliefs or behavioursthat consciously or subconsciously work to perpetuate actions and attitudes ofoppression. See also Internalized Oppression.
Informed Consent: See consent. Commentary: Consent isnot valid if it is not informed; in order to be valid, a person who givespermission to engage in an activity must know and understand what the activityis, what the circumstances surrounding the activity are, and what the potentialconsequences are, including any risks involved in that activity.
Institutional Level: Institutions such asfamily, government, industry, education, and religion have policies andprocedures that can promote systems of oppression.
Internalized oppression: The fear and self-hate ofone’s own target/subordinate identity/ies, that occurs for many individuals whohave learned negative ideas about their target/subordinate identity/iesthroughout childhood. One form of internalized oppression is the acceptanceof the myths and stereotypes applied to the oppressed group.
Internalized oppression: The fear and self-hateof one or more of a person’s own identities that occurs for many individualswho have learned negative ideas about their identities throughout their life.One form of internalized oppression is the acceptance of the myths and stereotypesapplied to the oppressed group.
Intersectionality: A term coined by law professorKimberlé Crenshaw in the 1980s to describe the way that multiple systems ofoppression interact in the lives of those with multiple marginalizedidentities. Intersectionality looks at the relationships between multiplemarginalized identities and allows us to analyse social problems more fully,shape more effective interventions, and promote more inclusive advocacy amongstcommunities.
Intersectionality: A term coined by lawprofessor KimberléCrenshaw in the 1980s to describe the way that multiple systems ofoppression interact in the lives of those with multiple marginalizedidentities. Intersectionality looks at the relationships between multiplemarginalized identities and allows us to analyse social problems more fully,shape more effective interventions, and promote more inclusive advocacy amongstcommunities.
Intersex: Adjective used describe the experience ofnaturally (that is, without any medical intervention) developing primary orsecondary sex characteristics that do not fit neatly into society’s definitionsof male or female. Intersex is an umbrella term and there are around 20variations of intersex that are included in this umbrella term. Manyvisibly Intersex people are mutilated in infancy and early childhood by doctorsto make the individual’s sex characteristics conform to society’s idea of what“normal” bodies should look like. Intersex people are relatively common,although society’s denial of their existence has allowed very little room forintersex issues to be discussed publicly. Hermaphrodite is an outdated andinaccurate term that has been used to describe intersex people in the past.
Intersex: An umbrella term to describe a widerange of natural body variations that do not fit neatly into conventionaldefinitions of male or female. Intersex variations may include, but are notlimited to, variations in chromosome compositions, hormone concentrations, andexternal and internal characteristics. Many visibly intersex people aremutilated in infancy and early childhood by doctors to make their sexcharacteristics conform to society’s idea of what normal bodies should looklike. Intersex people are relatively common, although society's denial of theirexistence has allowed very little room for intersex issues to be discussedpublicly. Hermaphrodite is an outdated and offensive term that has been used todescribe intersex people in the past.
Kink: (Kinky, Kinkiness) Most commonly referredto as unconventional sexual practices, from which people derive varying formsof pleasure and consensually play out various forms of desires, fantasies, andscenes. Kink includes BDSM, leather, wax play, etc. Kink does not alwaysinvolve sex, nor does it always involve pain.
Kitchen Table Polyamory (KTP): A style of polyamorousrelationship in which the interrelationship of a network, and the integrationof multiple romantic relationships into one life or group, is prioritized.Close relationships between metamours and/or telemours are strongly encouraged.The name comes from the notion that all members of a network “can sit aroundthe kitchen table in their PJs, drinking coffee” (Kimchi Cuddles #452)
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Lap-Sitting Polyamory: the more extreme version ofKitchen Table Polyamory, with an implied positive connotation of no coercion orpressure. Popularized by the Multiamory Podcast.
Leather Community: A community which encompassesthose who enjoy leather, often as part of sexual activities, including leatheruniforms or cowboy outfits. The leather community related to similarfetish-based communities such as sado-masochism, bondage and domination, andrubber. Although the leather community is often associated with the queercommunity, it is not a "gay-only" community.
Lesbian: A woman whose primary sexual and affectionalorientation is toward people of the same gender..
Lesbian: Usually, someone who identifies as a woman,whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of the samegender. However, some nonbinary people also identify as lesbians, often becausethey have some connection to womanhood and are primarily attracted towomen.
LGBT: Abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,and Transgender. An umbrella term that is often used to refer to thecommunity as a whole. Using LGBTQIA+ intentionally includes and raisesawareness of Queer, Intersex and Asexual as well as myriad other communitiesunder the rainbow umbrella.
LGBTQIA Allyship is the practice of confrontingheterosexism, sexism, genderism, allosexism, and monosexism in oneself andothers out of self-interest and a concern for the wellbeing of lesbian, gay,bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual people. Is founded on theunderstanding that dismantling heterosexism, monosexism, trans oppression/transmisogyny/cissexism and allosexism is a social justice issue.
LGBTQIA+: Abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay,Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual. The additional “+” standsfor all of the other identities not encompassed in the short acronym. Anumbrella term that is often used to refer to the community as a whole. Our center uses LGBTQIA to intentionally include and raise awareness of Queer,Intersex and Asexual communities as well as myriad other communities under ourumbrella.
Life Partner: A partner, usually a romantic andsexual partner, with whom one has the intent of a long-lasted and intertwinedcommitted relationship. Commentary: A life partner need not necessarily be aspouse, though most often a spouse is a life partner. In some cases, someonemay consider a partner’s partner to be a life partner even though there is nodirect sexual or romantic relationship with that person.
Limerence: A state of mind which results from aromantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughtsand fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the objectof love; sometimes referred to as “the anxious part of NRE.”
Limerence: A strong desire for, longing for, orpreoccupation with another person, accompanied by a sometimes overwhelmingdesire for reciprocation. Limerence may be accompanied by idealization of theperson so desired. Etymology: The term limerence was coined by Dr. DorothyTennov, who described it in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience ofBeing in Love. Commentary: Limerence is distinct from new relationship energyin that it is more akin to what people commonly call a “crush,” and may not beassociated with a relationship at all. Some researchers have linked limerenceto quantifiable physiological processes in the brain, particularly to depressedlevels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. Some people in the polyamorycommunity use the word limerence as a synonym for new relationship energy,though this usage is not technically correct.
Limit: Boundaries set on behaviours, words andinteractions that are non-negotiable.
Lived Name: A name (often a first name) thatsomeone uses that differs from their legal name. There are many reasons someonemay have a lived name that differs from their legal name. Some trans andnonbinary people may use a lived name to affirm their gender identity.“Preferred name” has also been used; however, it has been largely replaced bylived name. “Preferred name” suggests that using someone’s lived name isoptional, which can lead to deadnaming. See Deadname/deadnaming.
Long Distance Relationship (LDR): A relationshipwhere the partners are physically distant from one another; because this is self-definedand situationally defined, a long-distance relationship for someone who lacksconsistent transportation might be with someone at a distance that others don’tconsider long distance.
Long Term Relationship (LTR): A relationship ofextended duration. Often abbreviated LTR.
Masculine of Centre (MOC): A term coined by B.Cole of the Brown Boi Project to describe folks, including lesbian/queer womynand trans folks, who lean towards the masculine side of the gender spectrum.These can include a wide range of identities such as butch, stud, aggressive/AG,dom, macha, tomboi, trans-masculine, etc.
Meta: the shortened form of metamour.
Metamour: (Literally, meta with; about + amor love): Thepartner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual orloving relationship. See related vee.
Metamour: The partner of one’s partner; from the root“meta,” beyond - so literally “beyond love.” Often abbreviated meta.
Microaggressions: Brief and commonplace daily verbal,behavioural, or environmental indignities, whether intentional orunintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative slights andinsults about one’s marginalized identity/identities. (D.W. Sue)
Microaggressions: Brief and subtle behaviours,whether intentional or not, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negativemessages about commonly oppressed identities. These actions cause harm throughthe invalidation of the oppressed person’s identity and may reinforcestereotypes. Examples of microaggressions include a person who is not whitebeing told they speak “good English” or someone saying something is “gay” tomean they think something is bad.
Misgendering: Attributing a gender to someonethat is incorrect/does not align with their gender identity. Can occurwhen using pronouns, gendered language (i.e. “Hello ladies!” “Hey guys”) orassigning genders to people without knowing how they identify (i.e. “Well,since we’re all women in this room, we understand…”).
MLM: An abbreviation for men who love men, whichincludes gay men, as well as men who are attracted to men and people of othergenders.
Monoamory; also, Monamory: (Literally, mono one +amor love): The state or practice of loving only one person at a time. Contrastpolyamory; See also monogamy. Commentary: The word monoamory was coined as aresponse to the fact that the word monogamy literally means “one marriage;”technically speaking, a monogamous person, according to the word’s roots,should be a person with only one spouse, regardless of the number of otherromantic or sexual partners that person has. In practice, it means essentiallythe same thing as monogamy, though it is sometimes applied to a person whoself-identifies as monogamous but is involved in a romantic relationship with aperson who self-defines as polyamorous.
Monogamish: Colloquial A relationship that is notnecessarily sexually fidelitous, but that differs from polyamory in that theoutside sexual relationships are seen as primarily sexual rather than romantic,without necessarily having any expectation of continuity, and are viewed asenhancing the primary couple. See related open marriage. Etymology: The termwas coined by columnist Dan Savage to describe committed relationships thatstill allow some “outside” sexual dalliances.
Monogamy: (Literally, mono one + gamos marriage)Formally, the state or practice of having only one wedded spouse. Informally,the state or practice of having only one wedded spouse at a time, or moregenerally, having only one sexual partner or only one romantic or intimaterelationship at a time. Monogamous: of or related to the practice of monogamy,as in monogamous relationship: a relationship permitting one and only oneromantic or sexual partner.
Monogamy: Having only one intimate partner atany one time; also known as serial monogamy.
Monosexism: The belief in and systematicprivileging of monosexuality as superior, and the systematic oppression ofnon-monosexuality.
Monosexual: People who have romantic, sexual, oraffectional desire for one gender only. Identifying as straight or gay are themost well-known forms of monosexuality.
MSM: An abbreviation for men who have sex withmen; they may or may not identify as gay.
MTF: Male to Female. Generally used to refer toanyone assigned male at birth whose affirmed gender identity or expression isfeminine all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term ‘transitioning tofemale’ (or ‘female,’ ‘woman,’ ‘femme,’ or ‘trans woman’), as this does not usemisgendering language. This term is not used as often in the 2020s, but may beimportant in certain (e.g. medical) contexts. [QMUNITY]
Multisexual: An umbrella term to describeattraction to more than one gender. It can include sexual attractions likebisexual, polysexual, omnisexual, and others. The aforementioned terms are usedby some interchangeably and for others the subtle differences among them areimportant.
N: A four person polycule where A and B areromantically involved; B and C are romantically involved; and C and D areromantically involved, but there are no triads within that network. Sometimesalso called a Z.
N: Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involvingfour people, generally two couples where one member of one couple is alsoinvolved sexually and/or romantically with one member of the other couple. Seealso quad; See related triad, vee.
Negotiation: Process of discussing and agreeing uponpotential BDSM play as equals before entering into a scene. See also: Consent.
Neopronouns: Gender-neutral pronouns such asze/zir or ey/em that are used instead of more traditional ones such asthey/them. Learnmore about pronouns.
Nesting Partner: A partner with whom one shares ahome.
Neurodivergent: “Neurodivergent, sometimesabbreviated as ND, means having a brain that functions in ways that divergesignificantly from the dominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ A person whoseneurocognitive functioning diverges from dominant societal norms in multipleways – for instance, a person who is Autistic, has dyslexia, and has epilepsy –can be described as multiply neurodivergent. The terms neurodivergent andneurodivergence were coined by Kassiane Asasumasu, a multiply neurodivergentneurodiversity activist.”
Neurodiversity: Neurodiversity refers to thenatural and important variations in how human minds think. These differencescan include autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyspraxia,dyslexia, dyscalculia, Tourette Syndrome, and others. Like other variable humantraits like race, gender, sexuality, or culture, there is no right or wrongform of diversity. The social dynamics that exert power over other forms ofdiversity also impact neurodivergent people. Neurodiversity is not something tobe cured or corrected to fit some social norm - rather, we should celebratedifferent forms of communication and self-expression and promote supportsystems to allow neurodivergent people to thrive.
Neurotypical: “Neurotypical, often abbreviatedas NT, means having a style of neurocognitive functioning that falls within thedominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ Neurotypical can be used as either anadjective (‘He’s neurotypical’) or a noun (‘He’s a neurotypical’).”
Neutrois: A non-binary gender identity thatfalls under the genderqueer or transgender umbrellas. There is no onedefinition of Neutrois, since each person that self-identifies as suchexperiences their gender differently. The most common ones are: Neutral-gender,Null-gender, Neither male nor female, Genderless and/or Agender. (Neutrois.com)
New Relationship Energy (NRE): A strong, almost giddyfeeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any newromantic relationship. While similar in some ways to limerence, newrelationship energy is distinct in that it often follows the beginning of arelationship (as opposed to desire for a relationship) and can last as long asseveral years. Contrast old relationship energy. Commentary: Some researchersbelieve that new relationship energy is the result of the hormones oxytocin andvasopressin, which are released by the brain during the start of a new relationshipand after a mother gives birth and are believed to have a role in emotionalbonding and in the feelings of happiness and well-being that often accompanythe start of a new relationship.
New Relationship Energy (NRE): The excitement andgiddiness that comes with a new relationship and its early stages; somescientists believe it is the result of oxytocin and vasopressin. It ispotentially obsessive and similar to limerence, except that it occurs after arelationship has begun. It can be extremely positive, but also for some peoplejittery and challenging.
Non binary/Nonbinary/Non-binary: A genderidentity and experience that embraces a full universe of expressions and waysof being that resonate for an individual, moving beyond the male/female genderbinary. It may be an active resistance to binary gender expectations and/or anintentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world. For somepeople who identify as non binary there may be overlap with other concepts andidentities like gender expansive and gender non-conforming.
Non-binary: A gender identity and experience thatembraces a full universe of expressions and ways of being that resonate for anindividual. It may be an active resistance to binary gender expectations and/oran intentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world. Forsome people who identify as non-binary there may be overlap with other conceptsand identities like gender expansive and gender non-conforming.
Nonbinary: A person identifies as nonbinary if theyfeel that neither binary gender applies to them. They may apply additionalterms that define their gender expression as an identity as well as nonbinaryas a gender identity umbrella term. This term usually is seen to fall under theumbrella of transgender. It is sometimes shortened to nb or “enby,”especially when used by nonbinary people themselves.
Non-Hierarchical Relationships: Relationships whichstrive for equal autonomy and standing of relationships rather thanprioritizing one over another. These are not immune from “ inherent hierarchy,”such as shared responsibilities with a partner with whom one shares children ora home, or who one has been with a much longer time, but they ascribe to anideal of involving all network members in discussions of rule changes that willimpact them and limiting prioritization when possible.
Old Relationship Energy (ORE): The comfort andsecurity associated with an established relationship. Used in contrast to NREand often abbreviated ORE.
Omnigender: Possessing all genders. The term isused specifically to refute the concept of only two genders.
Omnisexual: (literally, all sexes) bisexual. Usage:In some communities, particularly some parts of the lesbian and gay community,antipathy toward or hostility to people who self-identify as bisexual hasbecome common. The term omnisexual has started to become popular as a synonymfor bisexual but without the negative connotations of the word.
One Penis Policy (OPP): An arrangement within apolyamorous relationship in which a man is allowed to have multiple femalepartners, each of whom is allowed to have sex with other women but forbidden tohave any other male partners.
One Penis Policy: Firmly enforced rules that therecan only be one penis-having individual (typically a cis man) in a relationshipnetwork. Often considered transphobic because they are often phrased as"one man," denying the genders of trans women and trans men; andgenerally considered belittling of relationships between women because itimplies that same sex relationships are "safer” for the cis man imposingthis rule on partner(s).
Open Polycule: A relationship network in which peopleare welcome to search for additional partners and enter into new relationships.
Open Relationship: 1. Any relationship that is notsexually monogamous. 2. Any relationship that permits “outside” sexualentanglements, but not loving or romantic relationships. Commentary: Some folksuse the term open relationship as a synonym for polyamory. To other people, theterm excludes polyamory, and is used specifically to describe relationshipsthat are sexually non-monogamous but that still expect that the people involvedwill not fall in love or engage in romantic relationships outside the couple,as for example with many swinging relationships. It’s important to be carefulwhen using this term, as it may carry very different connotations for differentpeople.
Oppression: Exists when one social group,whether knowingly or unconsciously, exploits another social group for its ownbenefit.
Orientation: Orientation is one’s attraction ornon-attraction to other people. An individual’s orientation can be fluidand people use a variety of labels to describe their orientation. Some, but notall, types of attraction or orientation include: romantic, sexual, sensual,aesthetic, intellectual and platonic.
Other Significant Other (OSO): A significant otheroutside of one’s primary or nesting partner; often a term used by people newlyentering a polyamorous relationship while already in a partnership.
Pansexual – A person who may feel attraction toindividuals at any point on the gender identity spectrum and anywhere on thesexual orientation spectrum.
Pansexual: 1. Of or relating to all sexualorientations, sexes, and gender identities. 2. One who engages in sexual orerotic activities with partners of all sexes and orientations. Pansexual event:an event catering to people of any sexual orientation or identity. Pansexualgroup: any group open to membership by any person regardless of sex, sexualorientation, or sexual identity.
Parallel Play: Colloquial Of or related to two (ormore) couples or groups having sex in the same room, without members from onecouple or group having sexual contact with members of another couple or group.
Parallel Polyamory: A style of polyamorousrelationship in which each individual relationship exists largely independentof either partner’s additional romantic or sexual relationships, and in whichthere is not an intentional focus on entwining the relationship network. Theremay be close relationships between some metamours or telemours, but there is norequirement for this and there may be low or no contact between some members ofthe larger relationship network.
Parallel Polyamory: A style of polyamory in which therelationships a person has are largely independent of one another, and theremay be little or no contact or relationship between a person’s variouspartners. See related solo polyamory.
Paramour: (literally, par way + amor love; by way oflove) 1. A married person’s outside lover. 2. A mistress—the unmarried femalelover of a married man. 3. A nonmarried member of a polyamorous relationship.
Partner: A person with whom one has a relationship.This relationship is often romantic but can be defined however the peopleinvolved choose.
Passing: When a trans individual is perceivedas, or “passes” as, a cisgender man or woman. Passing is often thought of as aform of privilege, and the concept can also put unrealistic or unwantedexpectations on trans/nonbinary folks to confirm to cisnormativity. Passing canalso refer to gay/lesbian/queer people being regarded as straight.Historically, passing was often necessary as a form of safety for LGBTQ+individuals.
Phobia: In mental and emotional wellness, aphobia is a marked and persistent fear that is excessive in proportion to theactual threat or danger the situation presents. Historically, this term hasbeen used inaccurately to refer to systems of oppression (i.e. homophobia hasbeen used to refer to heterosexism.)
Pivot: In a vee relationship, the person who has twopartners.
Platonic Life Partner (PLP): A partner with whom onemay not be romantic or sexual, but to whom one has made lifelong commitmentswhich may include things like cohabiting and coparenting.
Platonic Relationship: A close, emotionally intimaterelationship in which there is no sex or physical intimacy.
Play: A session of BDSM activities, typically definedwithin a period of time. Also referred to as a scene.
Play Party: 1. In the swinger community, a party,often hosted at a swing club but sometimes hosted at a private residence, atwhich swingers get together for the purpose of recreational sex. 2. A partywith emphasis on shared sexual activity or experience.
Poly family: A group of polyamorous people whoconsider each other to be family.
Poly/Mono:Of or relating to a relationship between aperson who self-identifies as polyamorous and a person who self-identifies asmonogamous.
Polyamory (Poly/Polyam): A subset of non-monogamywhere the assumption is that all partners may seek out multiple lovingrelationships, with the full knowledge and consent of all people involved. Fromthe Greek “poly,” meaning many, and Latin “amor,” meaning love. Structures beyondthis vary between people and groups of people. Sometimes used as an umbrellaterm for all forms of ethical, consensual, and loving non-monogamy.
Polyamorous (Polyam): Of or related to the practice of polyamory, as inpolyamorous relationship.
Polyamory/Poly: Denotes consensually beingin/open to multiple loving relationships at the same time. Some polyamorists(polyamorous people) consider “polyam” to be a relationship orientation.Sometimes used as an umbrella term for all forms of ethical, consensual, and lovingnon-monogamy.
Polycule: A network of interconnected relationships;can be used to refer to the network itself, or a chart illustrating the same. Aportmanteau of “poly” and “molecule,” because of the varied possibleconfigurations and how they can resemble charts of the chemical structures ofmolecules. Groups and networks larger than four people often simply use“polycule” or “constellation” to describe their network, rather than using oneof the specialized terms for smaller units, as the shapes can get complicated.
Polycule: A romantic network, or a particular subsetof relationships within a romantic network, whose members are closelyconnected. Also used to describe a sketch or visualization of a romanticnetwork, as these drawings often resemble the depiction of molecules used inorganic chemistry.
Polycule: Describes a connected network ofpeople and relationships, all of whom are in some way involved emotionally,sexually, or romantically with at least one other person within the polycule.Each polycule, or part within it, can have its own structures, boundaries, andconnections.
Polyfidelity (polyfi): (Literally, poly many +fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves morethan two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship toseek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approvaland consent of all the existing members. Some polyfidelitous relationships mayhave a mechanism which permits adding new members to the relationship withmutual agreement and consent of the existing members; others may not permit anynew members under any circumstances. Etymology: The term polyfidelity wascoined by the Kerista Commune.
Polygender, Pangender: Exhibitingcharacteristics of multiple genders, deliberately refuting the concept of onlytwo genders.
Polysaturated: Colloquial Polyamorous, but notcurrently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number ofexisting partners, or because of time constraints that might make newrelationships difficult. Contrast polyunsaturated. Usage: Often consideredhumorous or slightly silly. Seems to be most common primarily in the westernUnited States.
Polysexual: Having sexual attraction to many but notall genders. Note: many people use pansexual for this definition as well, as itis the more popular term and discourse around sexualities is shifting.
Polysexual: People who have romantic, sexual, oraffectional desire for more than one gender. Not to be confused with polyamory(above). Has some overlap with bisexuality and pansexuality.
Positive: Shortened term for HIV positive. Forexample, stating “I’m positive” is a way to voluntarily disclose one’s HIVstatus.
Power Exchange: Consensual power exchange is thebasis of BDSM interactions. Power exchange takes place after discussion andnegotiation wherein one person agrees to submit to specific activities and theother agrees to be in control for a certain period of time.
Power Exchange: Any situation where two or morepeople consensually and voluntarily agree to a power relationship in which one(or more) people assume authority and one (or more) people yield authority.This relationship may be for a predetermined time, or indefinite. Relationshipsbased on indefinite power exchange are often referred to as TPE relationships.The defining factor of power exchange is the conscious, deliberate constructionof a power dynamic in which at least one person assumes psychological controlto some agreed-upon extent over at least one other person.
Primary Relationship/Partner: The prioritizedrelationship or partner in a hierarchical set-up. Some people have multipleprimary partners or leave the option for additional primary-level relationshipsto exist; but many who prefer this relationship structure do not.
Primary/Secondary: A polyamorous relationshipstructure in which a person has multiple partners who are not equal to oneanother in terms of interconnection, emotional intensity, intertwinement inpractical or financial matters, or power within the relationship. A person in aprimary/secondary relationship may have one (or occasionally, more than one)primary partner and one or more additional secondary or tertiary partners. Aprimary/secondary relationship may be “prescriptive” (that is, a primary coupleconsciously and deliberately creates a set of rules whereby any additionalpartners are secondary, often because this is seen as a mechanism which willprotect the existing relationship from harm caused by additional relationships)or it may be “descriptive,” and emerge from the nature and the situation of therelationship. See related tertiary, veto. Commentary: In practice, prescriptiveprimary/secondary relationships may create an environment where the people inthose additional relationships feel unappreciated or insignificant, which iswhy some experienced polyamorous people do not construct their relationshipsalong enforced primary/secondary lines.
Primary: In a primary/secondary relationship, theperson (or persons) in the relationship with the highest degree of involvementor entanglement, or sometimes the person accorded the most importance. A personmay be primary either as a natural consequence of the circumstance and natureof the relationship (because that person has the greatest degree of financialentanglement, for example), or as a deliberate consequence of the relationshipstructure and agreements (as in the case of an existing couple who set out toadd additional partners only on the condition that those existing partners areseen as “less important” than the couple). See also co-primary; Contrastsecondary, tertiary. Commentary: People who deliberately seek to construct arelationship along prescriptive primary/secondary lines typically designate oneand only one relationship as the primary relationship. People who do not seekto construct a relationship along prescriptive primary/secondary lines may havemore than one primary relationship; a relationship becomes primary when itreaches a certain point of emotional commitment, practical entanglement, orboth.
Privilege: a set of unearned benefits given topeople who fit into a specific social group. The concept has roots in WEBDuBois’ work on “psychological wage” and white people’s feelings of superiorityover Black people. Peggy McIntosh wrote about privilege as a white womanand developed an inventory of unearned privileges that she experienced in dailylife because of her whiteness.
Pronouns: Linguistic tools used to refer tosomeone in the third person. Examples are they/them/theirs, ze/hir/hirs,she/her/hers, he/him/his. In English and some other languages, pronounshave been tied to gender and are a common area of misgendering (attributing agender to someone that is incorrect.) Learnmore about pronouns.
QPOC/QTPOC/QTBIPOC: Queer People of Colour;Queer Trans People of Colour; Queer Trans Black Indigenous People of Colour.Often used to discuss the ways in which intersectional identities can result inmultifaceted systems and experiences of oppression.
Quad: A four person relationship network where allthe parties are romantically interconnected.
Quad: A polyamorous relationship involving fourpeople, each of whom may or may not be sexually and emotionally involved withall the other members. See related N. Commentary: One of the most common waysfor a quad to form is when two polyamorous couples begin romantic relationshipscross-couple.
Queer Platonic Relationship (QPR)/Queer PlatonicPartnership (QPP): Relationships that purposely defy relationshipcategories, and can mix elements from platonic, romantic, and sexualrelationships. They are each unique depending on the people involved in them,but they often involve some level of commitment or intimacy. Because asexualand aromantic people tend to structure their relationships and interpersonalneeds in unique ways, many of them choose to engage in relationships that arehard to define and take comfort in Queer Platonic Relationships.
Queer: One definition of queer is abnormal orstrange. Historically, queer has been used as an epithet/slur against peoplewhose gender, gender expression and/or sexuality do not conform to dominantexpectations. Some people have reclaimed the word queer, and self identify assuch. For some, this reclamation is a celebration of not fitting intonorms/being “abnormal.” Manifestations of oppression within gay and lesbianmovements such as racism, sizeism, ableism, cissexism, transmisogyny as well asassimilation politics, resulted in many people being marginalized, thus, forsome, queer is a radical and anti-assimilationist stance that captures multipleaspects of identities.
Queer: An umbrella term used to describegender/sexual/romantic orientations or identities that fall outside of societalnorms. Historically, queer has been used as an epithet/slur against the LGBTQ+community. Some people have reclaimed the word queer, and self identify inopposition to assimilation [adapted from “Queering the Field”]. For some, thisreclamation is a celebration of not fitting into social norms. Not all peoplewho identify as LGBTQIA use “queer” to describe themselves. For example, thoseof earlier generations are typically averse to self-identifying as queer. Theterm is often considered hateful when used by those who do not identify asLGBTQIA.
Questioning: The process of exploring one’s owngender identity, gender expression, and/or sexual orientation. Some people mayalso use this term to name their identity within the LGBTQIA community.
Race: A social construct that divides peopleinto distinct groups based on characteristics such as physical appearance,ancestral heritage, cultural affiliation, cultural history, ethnicclassification, based on the social, economic, and political context of asociety at a given period of time. (Racial Equity Resource Guide)
Racism: The systematic subordination of peoplefrom marginalized racial groups based on their physical appearance, ethnic orancestral history, or cultural affiliation. Racism is considered a deeplypervasive, systemic issue perpetuated by members of the privileged racial groupholding dominant social power over others. Discrimination, prejudice, orxenophobia may be more accurate terms for describing individual acts ofoppression. While these individual acts likely stem from systemic racism, atthe individual level the power dynamics that enable racism are not at play inthe same way.
RACK – An acronym for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
Relationship Anarchy: A philosophy or practice inwhich people are seen as free to engage in any relationships they choose,spontaneity and freedom are desirable and necessary traits in healthyrelationships, no relationship should be entered into or restricted from asense of duty or obligation, any relationship choice is (or should be)allowable, and in which there is not necessarily a clear distinction between“partner” and “non-partner.”
Relationship Anarchy (RA): A relationship structurethat can be viewed as a kind of non-hierarchical polyamory, but morespecifically applies anarchist principles of self-determination and lack ofstate involvement to intimate relationships. Often abbreviated RA. Itallows for the individual definition of each relationship without labels beingapplied, and a great deal of argument exists around how RA is or isn’tincluded in polyamorous movements and community.
Relationship Orientation: A preference for sexual orloving relationships of a particular form; as, for example, a preference forrelationships that are monogamous, for relationships that are polyfidelitous,for relationships that are polyamorous, and so forth. See related switch (Def.1). Commentary: Just as some people feel that their sexual orientation is fluidand a matter of choice where other people feel that their sexual orientation isfixed and not subject to choice, so do some people feel that their relationshiporientation is subject to choice whereas others feel their relationshiporientation is not a matter of choice. Some people seem to be inherently monogamous,and can’t be happy any other way; some people seem to be inherentlypolyamorous, and can’t be happy any other way; and some people seem to be able,under the right circumstances and with the right partners, to be happy in amonogamous or a polyamorous relationship, and may consider themselvesambiamorous.
Romantic Orientation: Romantic Orientation isattraction or non-attraction to other people characterized by the expression ornon-expression of love. Romantic orientation can be fluid and people use avariety of labels to describe their romantic orientation.
Safe Call/Safety Call: - A safety protocol used whenmeeting a new play partner privately for the first time. It usually involves aphone call at a pre-arranged time to a pre-arranged person to let them knowthat everything is fine. If the call is not made, or if pre-arranged codes arenot exchanged, the police are contacted.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC): A code of conductwhich holds that any activity between adults is acceptable as long as it issafe, sane, and consensual. Often held up as a test to whether or not aparticular activity is ethical. See related RACK. Commentary: Many people see aflaw in the idea of “safe, sane, and consensual” because whether or not anactivity is “safe” and “sane” is subjective, and because people may choose toengage in activities which might not always be “safe,” as in some forms of edgeplay (def. 1). (This is true even outside the BDSM community; considerskydiving, for example). Because of this, SSC has given way to the code ofconduct called “RACK” (risk-aware consensual kink) in some places.
Safeword - An agreed upon word that they can use tostop an activity at any time. Common safewords include “safeword” as well as atraffic light system where “red” means stop, “yellow” means slow/need a break,“green” means more/harder. A safe signal is used when someone is gagged or mayhave trouble communicating verbally, such as dropping a set of keys or tapping.
Safeword: A predefined “code word” which a submissivecan use to stop an ongoing activity if it becomes too much. Commentary:Safewords are often used in situations such as resistance play, where thesubmissive may be expected to struggle or resist and where the word “no” mightnot actually mean no. In such cases, for safety’s sake it’s often helpful tohave some word that does mean “no,” and is a word unlikely to come upotherwise.
Sapphic: Used to describe any female-identifyingperson who is attracted to other female-identifying people. This broad termincludes lesbians, bisexuals, omnisexuals, pansexuals, romantic asexuals, andother orientations, as well as nonbinary folks. Often sapphic is used as a moreinclusive term instead of “women who like women (WLW)” or lesbian.
Scene – 1) A session of BDSM activities, typicallydefined within a period of time, or 2) The kink subculture.
Secondary Relationship/Partner: Additional partnersor relationships beyond the primary ones in a hierarchical network. They oftenhave to accept pre-existing rules or limits on time defined by the primaryrelationship members, without recourse to change these.
Secondary: In a primary/secondary relationship, theperson (or persons) in the relationship who, either by intent or bycircumstance, have a relationship that is given less in terms of time, energy,and priority in a person’s life than a primary relationship, and usuallyinvolves fewer ongoing commitments such as plans or financial/legalinvolvements. A secondary relationship may be secondary as a result of aconscious decision on the part of the primary partners, or simply as a resultof circumstance or the natural development of the relationship.
Sensation Play: Manipulating sensations, eitheradding in a sensual way or depriving of them.
Serial Monogamy: A relationship pattern in which aperson has only one sexual or romantic partner at a time but has multiplesexual or romantic partners in a lifetime and may change partners frequently.Arguably the most common form of relationship in the United States, serialmonogamy is predicated on the idea that a person can love more than one otherperson romantically in a lifetime, but not at the same time.
Sex/Sex Assigned at Birth: A medicallyconstructed categorization. Sex is often assigned based on the appearance ofthe genitalia, either in ultrasound or at birth. Sex assigned at birth isdifferent from gender identity, and sex is not always binary, such as forIntersex individuals. See also Intersex, AFAB, and AMAB.
Sex: a medically constructed categorization. Sex isoften assigned based on the appearance of the genitalia, either in ultrasoundor at birth.
Sexism: The cultural, institutional, and individualset of beliefs and practices that privilege men, subordinate women, and devalueways of being that are associated with women.
Sexism: The cultural, institutional, andindividual set of beliefs and practices that privilege men, subordinate women,and devalue ways of being that are associated with women.
Sexual Orientation: Sexual Orientation is anenduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction ornon-attraction to other people. Sexual orientation can be fluid and people usea variety of labels to describe their sexual orientation.
Sexuality: The components of a person thatinclude their biological sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, sexualpractices, etc.
Sizeism: The pervasive system of discrimination andexclusion that oppresses people who have bodies that society has labelled as“overweight,” as well as people of short stature. Fat oppression morespecifically, highlights the ways that Fat people experience and navigate aworld and institutions that are not built with their hxstories, needs and bodysize in mind. This often takes the form of labelling these bodies as unhealthy,undesirable, and lazy and fails to complicate narratives around health andhealthy living. In addition, diet culture which is the normalization of weightloss, diet and exercise on a basis of weight-based shaming and size-baseddiscrimination further perpetuate fat oppression. This form of oppression hasbeen referred to as fatphobia. To learn more about why we are moving away fromusing this term see Phobia in this glossary.
Sizeism: The pervasive system of discriminationand exclusion that oppresses people who have bodies that society has labelledas “overweight,” as well as people of short stature. Historically, fat people’sbodies have been labelled as unhealthy, undesirable, and lazy; this fails tochallenge narratives around health and healthy living. This form of oppressionhas been referred to as fatphobia.
Social Identities: Social identity groups arebased on the physical, social, and mental characteristics of individuals. Theyare sometimes obvious and clear, sometimes not obvious and unclear, oftenself-claimed and frequently ascribed by others.
Social Justice: A goal and a process in whichthe distribution of resources is equitable, and all members are physically andpsychologically safe and secure. Begins with an acknowledgement that oppressionand inequity exist and must be actively dismantled on all levels. (Adams, Bell,& Griffin.)
Socialization: The process by which societalnorms influence a number of aspects that frame how members of a community live,including how they might think, behave, and hold certain values. Socializationcan reinforce assumptions or expectations that give power to systems ofoppression.
Societal/Cultural Level: Community norms thatperpetuate implicit and explicit values that bind institutions and individuals;social norms on what is valued, accepted, or desirable give the individual andinstitutional levels the justification for systemic oppression.
Socioeconomic Class: Social group membership based ona combination of factors including income, education level, occupation, andsocial status in the community, such as contacts within the community, groupassociations, and the community's perception of the family or individual.
SOGIE: An acronym that stands for SexualOrientation, Gender Identity and Expression. Is used by some in a similar wayto the umbrella acronym: LGBTQIA.
Solo Poly: An approach to polyamory that emphasizesagency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightlycouple-centric. People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, thefreedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission fromothers, and flexibility in the form their relationships take. Such peoplegenerally don’t want or need relationships that look like traditional couples,and may not, for example, seek to live with a partner (or partners) or combinefinances with a partner (or partners).
Solo Polyamory: A form of polyamory in which anindividual chooses to be their own “primary partner,” building connectionswithout the assumption of progressing up the “relationship escalator” with oneor more. Often includes the assumption of living apart from all partners.
Spectrum: A range or sliding scale.Aspects of one's identity like sexual orientation, gender identity, and genderexpression exist on a spectrum, or outside of it. For example, with sexualorientation, the attraction to men, women, or someone of another gender allexist on separate spectrums. Someone might feel a little attracted to men, verymuch attracted to women, and moderate attraction to people outside this binary.Please also see the Gender Unicorn to learn more about these aspects ofidentity.
Stereotype: A generalization applied to everyperson in a cultural group; a fixed conception of a group without allowing forindividuality. When we believe our stereotypes, we tend to ignorecharacteristics that don’t conform to our stereotype, rationalize what we seeto fit our stereotype, see those who do not conform as “exceptions,” and findways to create the expected characteristics.
Straight: A romantic and/or sexual orientationin which a person feels attracted to people of a gender other than their own.Usually used to describe a man attracted to women and vice-versa. Seealso Heterosexual.
Stud: A culture-specific identity that is oftendefined as a black masculine lesbian. As such, it is meant to be an identitylabel that is exclusively used by black people.
Submissive – Person who accepts the dominance orpower that is consensually exerted over them by their partner.
Submissive: One who assumes a role of submission in apower exchange relationship. A submissive is a person who seeks a position ofor occupies a role of intentional, consensual powerlessness, allowing anotherperson to take control over him or her. Contrast dominant; see related bottom,switch.
Sub-space - a trance-like state induced by the body’sendorphins. They are released in response to pain, pleasure, or other intensesensations.
Subspace: A specific state of mind that a submissive mayenter, particularly after intense activities and/or (depending on the person)intense pain play, characterized by euphoria, bliss, a strong feeling ofwell-being, or even a state similar to intoxication. Thought to be related tothe release of endorphins in the brain. The euphoria associated with subspacemay last for hours or sometimes even days after the activity ceases.
Swinger: A person who engages in swinging.
Swinging: The practice of having multiple sexualpartners outside of an existing romantic relationship, most often with theunderstanding that the focus of those relationships is primarily sexual ratherthan romantic or emotionally intimate. See also friends-first swinging, closedswinging, closed-group swinging, swing club. Commentary: The common perceptionof swinging is that those who engage in this behaviour have sex outside oftheir existing relationship purely for recreation, and that emotional bonds oremotional intimacy are specifically excluded. This is true in some cases, andin fact some swing clubs specifically prohibit people from carrying on friendshipsor relationships outside the club. However, in practice swinging is much morenuanced, and people who self-identify as swingers can and sometimes do formclose emotional relationships with their partners. Many people in both theswinging and polyamorous communities, though not all, see swinging andpolyamory as two ends of a continuum, different in degree of intent, focus, andemphasis on romantic and emotional relationships rather than different in kind.
Switch - A person who can take on both the top/bottomand dominant/submissive roles at different times or with different people.
Switch: Colloquial A person capable of being happy ineither a monogamous or a polyamorous relationship. In BDSM: 1. One who canchange roles, being either dominant or submissive (or, less frequently,sadistic or masochistic) at different times or with different partners. 2. Athin, flexible rod, often made from a green branch of a tree such as a willowtree, used for striking people; similar to a cane.. Also, verb 1. To changeroles, as from a dominant role to a submissive role. 2. (infrequent) To strikewith a switch (def. 2).
Telemour: The partner of a metamour who is not yourshared partner; from the root “tele,” distant - so literally “distant love.”Used less commonly than metamour.
Tertiary: A person (or persons) in a relationshipthat is generally quite casual, expects little in the way of emotional orpractical support, or is very limited with respect to time, energy, or priorityin the lives of the people involved. Contrast primary; See relatedprimary/secondary, secondary. Commentary: A tertiary relationship may be verylimited in scope or priority for many reasons, one of the most common of whichis often distance.
Throuple: An alternate word for triad, a portmanteauof Three and Couple.
Top: Person doing the action in a scene. May or maynot also take a Dominant role.
Trans man: A person may choose to identify this wayto capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as atransgender person. Some trans men may also use the term FTM or F2M todescribe their identity.
Trans man: Usually, a person assigned female atbirth who identifies as a man. A person may choose to identify thisway to capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as atransgender person.
Trans woman: A person may choose to identify this wayto capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as atransgender person. Some transwomen may also use MTF or M2F to describetheir identity.
Trans woman: Usually, a person assigned male atbirth who identifies as a woman. A person may choose to identify this way tocapture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as atransgender person.
Trans*: The asterisk placed after Trans has been usedin many different ways. Some folks think of it as being more inclusive towardsgender non-conforming and non-binary folks. But others have offered critiquethat it feels exclusionary towards GNC and non-binary folks for enforcing abinary expectation to “fill in the blank” for trans man or trans woman. There have also been discussions/critique regarding the origin of the asterisk.
Trans: The term trans acts as a more inclusiveterm than transgender for gender non-conforming and non-binary folks.
Transfeminine/Transfem: A term used to describea person, usually AMAB or Intersex, who identifies with femininity in some way.Includes Trans women, as well as other trans+ people who have a connection tofemininity.
Transgender: A person who identifies as transgenderidentifies as any gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. Thismay be the only gender identifying term they use, or they may use other, morespecific terms within the trans umbrella.
Transgender: Adjective used most often as an umbrellaterm, and frequently abbreviated to “trans.” This adjective describes a widerange of identities and experiences of people whose gender identity and/orexpression differs from conventional expectations based on their assigned sexat birth. Not all trans people undergo medical transition (surgery orhormones). Some commonly held definitions:
Transgender: An adjective used most often as anumbrella term and frequently abbreviated to “trans.” Identifying astransgender, or trans, means that one’s internal knowledge of gender isdifferent from conventional or cultural expectations based on the sex that personwas assigned at birth. While transgender may refer to a woman who was assignedmale at birth or a man who was assigned female at birth, transgender is anumbrella term that can also describe someone who identifies as a gender otherthan woman or man, such as non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, no gender ormultiple genders, or some other gender identity.
Transition: Transitioning is the process oftaking steps to live as one’s true gender identity. Transitioning is differentfor each individual and may or may not involve medical interventions liketaking hormones or having surgery. Some people may not choose to transition incertain ways for a variety of reasons. The extent of someone’s transition doesnot make that person’s gender identity any less or more valid.
Transitioning may include socially transitioning, such asgoing by certain pronouns or going by the Lived Name that affirms one’s genderidentity. Transitioning may involve making changes to one’s physicalappearance, such as wearing certain clothing, wearing one’s hair in a differentstyle or length, or more complex changes such as medically transitioningthrough hormones or surgery. Transitioning can also involve changing legaldocuments to match one’s authentic sense of self. Additionally, socially transitioningis when an individual begins to present themselves to the world in a way thatmost affirms their gender identity. This could look like sharing their livedname and gender identity in social settings.
Transmasculine/Transmasc: A term used todescribe a person, usually AFAB or Intersex, who identifies with masculinity insome way. Includes Trans men, as well as other trans+ people who have aconnection to masculinity.
Transphobia: When people have deeply rootednegative beliefs about what it means to be transgender, nonbinary, and gendernonconforming. Their beliefs affect the way they, the government,organizations, the media, and society generally treat people whose identities don’tfit into typical gender roles. Transphobia results in policies that take awaythe rights and safety of trans and nonbinary children, teens, and adults. Thisresults in discrimination, harassment, and sometimes violence against peoplewho are not cisgender.
Triad: 1. A polyamorous relationship composed ofthree people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1,generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which eachof the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the othermembers of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man andtwo bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimesalso applied to vee relationships.
Triad: A relationship of three people, all of whomare romantically involved with one another. A triad contains three dyads (A andB; A and C; and B and C) as well as the triad relationship (A and B and C). Oneof the most publicized forms of polyamory in mainstream media.
Two Spirit: An umbrella term encompassingsexuality and gender in Indigenous Native American communities. Two Spiritpeople often serve integral and important roles in their communities, such asleaders and healers. It may refer to an embodiment of masculinity and femininity,but this is not the only significance of the term. There are a variety ofdefinitions and feelings about the term two spirit – and this term does notresonate for everyone. Two Spirit is a cultural term reserved for thosewho identify as Indigenous Native American. Although the term itself becamemore commonly used around 1990, two spirit people have existed for centuries.
Undocumented: People who are born outside of thecountry to which they immigrated, who do not have documentation that grantslegal rights related to residency and/or citizenship.
Unicorn Hunters: Couples who seek a bisexual womanwho prefers to have relationships with both parts of a heterosexual couple onterms set primarily by that couple’s agreements for a relationship. This termis often used derisively, as this type of person is almost impossible to findbecause of the need to agree with all of the couple’s terms, and because thisstructure when managed is often used to negatively impact young bisexual womennew to polyamory.
Unicorn: A bisexual woman who prefers to haverelationships with both parts of a heterosexual couple on terms set primarilyby that couple’s agreements.
Unicorn: Colloquial; see hot bi babe. Usage: Almostalways used of a hypothetical woman who is willing to date both members of anexisting couple, agree not to have any relationships other than the ones withthe couple, agree not to be sexually involved with one member of the coupleunless the other member of the couple is also there, and/or agree to move inwith the couple. So named because people willing to agree to such arrangementsare vanishingly rare, whereas couples looking for a woman who will agree to theseterms are incredibly common.
Ursula: Some lesbians, particularly butch dykes,also participate in Bear culture referring to themselves with the distinctlabel Ursula.
V: A relationship network including three peoplewhere there are two “ends” who are metamours but not romantically involved withone another, and a hinge partner. A V (sometimes written vee) polyculecontains two dyads (A and B and B and C).
Vanilla: A descriptive term used to describe activitythat does not fall within the BDSM spectrum.
Vee: Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involvingthree people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with twopartners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. Seealso triad, pivot; See related quad, N.
Veto: A power granted to existing partner(s) to “calloff” an additional relationship. Often time-limited to the beginning of a newflirtation or relationship, but occasionally an open power to terminateadditional relationships at any time.
Veto: A relationship agreement, most common inprescriptive primary/secondary relationships, which gives one person the powerto end another person’s additional relationships, or in some cases to disallowsome specific activity, such as some specific sexual or «BDSM»-relatedactivity. A veto may be absolute, in which one partner may reject anotherpartner’s additional relationships unconditionally, or may be conditional andused more as a way to indicate a serious problem in a relationship. Commentary:Not all polyamorous recognize or permit veto power. Veto is most common inprimary/secondary relationship configurations, particularly in relationshipconfigurations where an established couple is seeking additional partners. Vetois typically limited only to the primary partners, and a relationship whichgrants a veto power to a secondary partner is rare in the extreme.
Wibble: A brief moment of fear, insecurity, or otherstrong negative emotion.
WLW: Abbreviation for Women who likeWomen. This term can include lesbians, bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual women, aswell as other identities. Some prefer the term “sapphic”, as it is moreinclusive of non-binary folks. See also Sapphic.
Womxn: Some womxn spell the word with an “x” asa form of empowerment to move away from the “men” in the “traditional” spellingof women.
